Words that make me cringe

I promised myself I would write another blog about the jargon of the non-profit word, and my VISTA site, but this is just my internal discussion.

I have been thinking about jargon for the last few days because I have had to begin changing my lexicon as I begin to work at my site. I also want to make sure I write down and recognize jargon as I pick it up so that when I am describing to others my work, I can be clear to NOT use jargon words when possible. The reason is that, as I wrote earlier, when dealing with people who are coming out of poverty, jargon words act as a barrier to them, at times. The jargon of "help" from service providers can make an unpleasant experience more intimidating. To be more inclusive, we must use more inclusive language and I want a guide to maintain my own self. Like I wrote in my previous blog, adapting to the job means changing myself. This isn't bad, but an anthropologist's job is to be able to explain to other people a culture, and language can be very powerful tool or a hindrance to that task.

The other thing I found out today about myself is that I unconsciously cringe at some language. It isn't because I disagree with an idea, but the way it was presented, because of the jargon, biased me.

So my boss and I were talking about my role and opportunities that we had identified between our program and another program we are connected to. I will talk more about this SWEET program later. My boss comes from a management and especially retail environment. He has been involved for years in the chamber of commerce and in his new position at my site been building up professional business relationships. But that word "professional" is almost a jargon word itself.

Professional to me means someone who wears a suit. It means they show up to meetings, use a computer, have agendas, and is skilled in some behavior or activity. Business professional means fluff. It is a word that makes me cringe. When I think of a "business professional" I think about a person who comes up with ideas and then tells someone else what to do. Usually it has to do with how to make money. I cringe just thinking about it. It is a person (usually male) who's good ideas aren't from the employees, but something that looks good on paper. I just don't relate to it, and in a way it is the reason I became an anthropologist. I want to change what it means.

I want a "business professional" to be an anthropologist, in a way. I want them to be leaders who let the sales people, customers, and producers of the goods come up with the ideas. I don't want the top down approach in the 21st century. I think about Sam Walton. His great idea was to pay people a living wage with benefits and buy big enough lots to get the lowest price and pass that along to consumers in poor neighborhoods. He wore a cowboy hat. But his idea got so big, and was so successful, after his death, a room full of business leaders in suits run the company now. I want business leaders to be the guy in the hat, not the suit. Suits make decisions based on numbers. Hard hats make decisions based on people.

But this is my internal stereotype. And I know it isn't always fair. I still know that "big business" is not all roses. There are businesses that don't make decisions based on sustainability, responsible stewardship of the environment, or its human cost. I also know that a lot of work has been spent, not just on re-branding corporations to look more friendly, but some really are more friendly. My internal bias still causes me to cringe at the word "business" or "business community."

This goes back to my discussion of jargon. The non-profit, especially private non-profit, world has adopted a language of business. I have a list of the words I have been keeping, but let me high-light a few: assets, investment, capital, production, entity, ask, development, cost, target, and mission.

As I become more educated about what I do and my "mission" at my service site, the language can change me, but do I want it to?

Anthropologist, VISTA, or Employee?

Usually I start at the beginning, but to make this more readable, lets start at the end with my questions, skip to the beginning and end somewhere in the middle.

Is it cheating to use my VISTA title as a resource when doing anthropological research on poverty? Poverty is a state of being without resources. Using the jargon and title quickly navigates the system, but also is an inauthentic experience because it is not like that of which my participants have. When I play my card as a VISTA to my advantage so I can quickly get to my work as an employee, am I sacrificing my anthropology? If I sacrifice my VISTA experience by not playing by the culture of poverty rules, am I doing some possible harm to my project because I don't have the same investment in the programs' successes?

So, what am I? Anthropologist, VISTA, or employee?

Just to be clear, I am not an "employee" or "staff" of my site organization, I am a program lead. I just want to be clear on this. I used "employee" as a word people can relate to, a term of indentured-ness, not because I am paid by them. When I say employee, I mean the applying knowledge, instead of creating it side.

I love anthropology. It isn't just a scientific style, it is my adopted learning style. If I want to understand my new job, in a new place, I must understand its culture. I also feel very blessed that I work for a place that respects data and wants to have the science back up its mission. When both allocating and applying for grants in a world of non-profits, you need data and stories to back up the work. It gives us a competitive edge. I see anthropology as the perfect science to fulfill this. But at times, I have to stop being a scientist in observation mode and do work. I have to make phone calls, and I have to attend meetings. But I am trying to balance 3 identities.

Part of this blog is to let my friends and family know what I am doing in Dubuque, but also I am keeping this as my field notes for the next person who may come help this organization. I also hope that it will be passed along to any student or person interested in the foundation's organizational culture, and those interested in re-creating the success the programs here in Dubuque seem to be having in fighting poverty.

So let me explain what I have learned so far and where my questions come from.

I work as a Volunteer In Service To America (VISTA). We are not staff of the organizations we work with, we are volunteers. Our stipends are paid for by the federal government because we are doing the hard task of ending poverty in America. We are receive a stipend but for all purposes we are volunteers in a war. I try not to look at my paychecks at all because it scares me to see how little I make with a college degree. At the same time, I, as a scientist, think that experience is very important. For us to really understand the challenges people in poverty face, we have to experience them for ourselves. If we want to make the system more effective for those it is trying to help, we have to be able to describe the system from the client's point of view, not us the service providers.

The traditional anthropologists who deploy to the tribal nations in Africa, for example, are not expected to be one of the people, like how Richard Borshay Lee describes in "Eating Christmas in the Kalahari." In his article, he describes how when studying the substinance culture of the !Kung tribal group, he provided his own food and housing so not to disrupt their natural habits by a new person to feed. An anthropologist is encouraged not to adopt too much of another culture or they may be accused of "going native," meaning they adopted most or all of another culture's habits and effectively joined them. This can be dangerous for an anthropologist who, as a scientist, is a cultural interpreter. To lose yourself in another culture could make you loose your impartiality, something science appreciates. If you go too far, you may also lose your ability to communicate with your audience.

A VISTA is not a staff person, but not everbody understands the distinction between my position and the organization I am working with. People expect you to know their rules (the rules of the middle class and in this case, the organizations cultural rules), behave in socially acceptable ways, and be representative of the organization, which in my case is a foundation. Many donors and high-powered people walk into the office, and I have to be capable of leaving a positive impression with them. I asked my VISTA leader at the state office today how I should make sure to represent my unique position in my e-mails and in my introductions to people I work with, or will be working with. I want to make sure, the same way an anthropologist would introduce themselves ethicly to a population for study, I am clear about my special position.

Anthropolgists when doing field work are not supposed to mis-represent themselves. Part III in the American Anthropology Association code of ethics states we "in both proposing and carrying out research, anthropological researchers must be open about the purpose(s), potential impacts, and source(s) of support for research projects with funders, colleagues, persons studied or providing information, and with relevant parties affected by the research. Researchers must expect to utilize the results of their work in an appropriate fashion and disseminate the results through appropriate and timely activities." That sounds like a different way of saying a lot of what my job description is. I will also be utilizing others work and my own work and making sure there is communication. But I am also a VISTA.

While most people on the street may not know what a VISTA is, it is benefit to me if people and organizations I am working with understand my distinction. My self-identification also has the added benefit of raising awareness about the VISTA program so more people become aware of how their tax payer dollars are being spent, and the types of opportunities there are to serve America.

So, while I may be doing anthropological research on poverty, I am also an insider to the culture of poverty, on paper. I make very little money, and due to the VISTA contract agreements to have no outside paid work, have no opportunities for relief from this position. I am not just a researcher, I am living the life. It reminds me of the book "Black Like Me" by Howard Griffin. He was a journalist who went undercover as a Black man in the 1960s in the south and wrote about his experience. He was part anthropologist, part journalist. But I am part Anthropologist, part VISTA.

The VISTA experience is, for lack of a better term, going undercover. From what I have inferred from the pre-service orientation style, and from my own knowledge of leadership and learning styles, the VISTA program is set up for many people in service to have an exploratory learning experience to really walk in another's shoes. "Exploratory learning" is a style of learning that doesn't focus on textbook experience, but where there is freedom to uncover relationships between things and ask questions. It is a more intuitive and individual style of learning. It is like giving a child an aquarium with fish and plants living in it, and letting them generate the questions for study and experiment. It is not done without supervision, and with some guidance, but the focus isn't just on memorization and tasks. I've not read that this is exactly how it was meant to be, but it is what I have observed.

At pre-service orientation, no matter which group you were assigned, the set up was of round tables. On those tables were colored placards, markers, colored pencils, an array of different types and colors of pipe-cleaners, and for my group, playdoh. This was both used as an ice-breaker because people could decorate their name-cards and make them unique, but also used as a tool. There are several types of learning styles identified today. Some people see or read something and remember it. Some people retain the most information if they hear it. Some people remember the most information when they write it themselves. Some people remember information best if they repeat it over and over again. What was given to us for us to have access so we could use our hands and our brains while retaining information. It was also to play with. At one time we were asked to break into groups. There were groups for our preference based on what we liked to do most. Our choices were: tell stories, dance, sing, or do visual art like painting, drawing, and sculpture. We each re-told a story about success with our chosen art.

Another time, during the pre-service orientation, we all sat in group and shared experiences and reflections on the information that had been given to us via lecture earlier that day. We were expected to use the information, and also practice healthy communication styles when talking about something deep and personal like experiences in crisis and poverty. Not everybody had yet had a personal experience with things like being hungry, being evicted, or not having enough money for essential items like tampons or toiletpaper. It was a time to have a conversation with both sides sharing and being honest with a group of strangers. This is also an exploratory learning strategy. You can't control the conversation, it will turn and turn. We had a moderator to keep it moving, keep any one person from dominating the conversation, and to initiate questions at times when the converstation slowed. It wasn't a series of yes or no questions, and it wasn't the person with the most education passing along information.

For a VISTA to have a meaningful and deep experience with poverty, there has to be this personal involvement. We must live the life and at time identify our own advantages and disadvantages so we can help lessen those for others in the future. Anthropology, as a science, would at times balk at this strategy.

But at times I am an insider. I have to act like an employee. I am a project leader. I am not just a scientist or student of the culture, I have to engage. At times I am forced to represent one of my three cultures. I must represent the culture of an organization even when I am not fully a part of it. I am not staff. I don't make a paycheck like they do. I don't have local knowledge. To be more specific, I must be a good representation of the program I work for and the parent organization. Let me explain more about my particular VISTA position and site.

I am the Project HOPE coordinator, Americorp VISTA. I've described what a VISTA is, so let me describe what the Project HOPE position is.

HOPE stands for Helping Our People Excel. Project HOPE encourages and facilitates
collaboration, communication, and advocacy among referral resources,
education/training providers, employers and people in our community to
dissolve existing disparity and ensure equity in employment and
economic opportunity." Facilitates is a jargon word that means call for and host meetings between parties, keeps notes and minutes on the meetings, and passes along communication between parties. It means they know who needs to know what and makes sure that all those people get information they need. It also means at times helps research resources. Resources are things like grants. Grants are money. Usually this means money for things like materials. Materials can be many things, but usually it is paper for fliers, aide of a computer and someone who knows something about graphic design, money for food at events, and may even be for renting space for meetings. It usually doesn't mean money for paid staff, and most the programs are run by volunteers at some level. At times facilitation can mean mediation between partners.

Partners are people who are working together. In this situation it means groups with often different purposes. We have an array of groups who are partners in Project HOPE. There are banks and financial groups from the area. There are people from social services like the Multi-Cultural Family Center. There are neighborhood associations involved. There are labor groups. There are governmental groups. There is a groups from educational institutions. There is even a group that is made up of the same people as from the other groups but a separate entity. I know it sounds redundant, but actually it isn't. Because some groups spend money, some raise money, and some have niches they can't break out of because of their internal constitutions, or external legal standing, they must work in the way they do, there must be several organizations, even if they have similar people on them. There isn't so much overlap that it is dangerous, but it is an anomaly. Given some time, and some upcoming interviews I will try and map these relationships, but that is in the future.

There are several successful and yearly projects that are going on. While the projects may go even if there was no Project HOPE, for them to go on without someone facilitating the collaboration, that would lead to a danger of duplicity in some things. It would also put people back in their niches and leave gaps in services allowing people to fall between the cracks and not get help, even when it was available. There are some successful projects that are also dependent upon the Community Foundation to keep oversight on, financially. This is also a mediation of sorts. I don't directly do this, but my job is not to directly do anything.

Direct service is another term needed to be understood to understand the nature of the work and this organizational culture. Direct service means dealing with people. Social workers who meet with individuals, trainers who teach classes, and the people who can touch those living in poverty, they do direct service. It is the grassroots in a traditional sense where you go to your neighbor's house; person to person contact. I don't do that. I love that stuff the most. I organize from a grassroots perspective. I don't want to know just how many people graduate from any of the programs offered, I want to know where this person comes from (geographically) and I like to ask, when someone drops-out, where do they go? I mean really, where do they go? Are they on a street corner? Are they living in someone else basement, and if so, which basement? But it isn't my job to track that person down.That would be the job of a trainer, social worker, or mentor. My job is to make sure there is a mentor, job coach, or teacher and make sure those people tell me, and I can tell the people who have invested a lot of money and energy and love, where did those people go. My job is also to make sure there are fail-safes so that if I disappear, there is a structural safety to continue to make sure there is a mentor, teacher, or coach.

This is where my personal question about bureaucracy come is. Did I grow up to be a bureaucrat? I work within a system, a careful system. But I don't do direct service, or I am not supposed to in my job description. This doesn't mean I don't get to talk to the people I am trying to help, but I am one, sometimes two generations removed.

I was thinking about my conundrum and I think I came to the justification or reason that my "grassroots" are not people, they are organizations. This fits the day-to-day of the job description but also is helping me see how my old habits will fit into my already conscious frame. This job is about organizing organizations.

If it gives you a headache, try being me and balancing it.

But, I'm also an insider to some parts of poverty culture. On paper, and in my heart, I am a VISTA. I took an oath of poverty in a silent way as part of my oath of service to the USA. I was called by VISTA to this program. The programs we facilitate must work, and they need to work for me. I have something at stake in their success. As a new person to the area, I need to make sure that I can navigate the system and leave a clear trail behind. I do this by exploratory learning within the confines that the VISTA program sets in the way of a VISTA assignment description (VAD).

But sometimes being a VISTA feels like I am cheating too.

Continuing my documentation of the process for getting food assistance from the state, I got a phone call today from a caseworker at the Department of Human Services. She was reviewing my paperwork and was calling to do a phone interview to follow-up. I was very relieved that it was before Thanksgiving, but was at work and on my way to a meeting, so I was in a hurry. I know better than to be late to a first meeting (see future writing on hidden rules of the middle-class). It leaves a bad impression. The meeting was about funding, so in my head, that had high priority.

She was nice on the phone, but I was in my foundation work role and treated her differently than using new cultural rules I am trying out to test. She went over my paperwork. I had missed a few things like she wanted more information about my housing. I have a month-to-month with my roommate, not the house owner. I own a car. I had written down my income wrong. When I explained my job situation and explained I was a VISTA she became warmer. Not a lot warmer, but was more willing to talk to me about the situation, even though I was in a hurry. I used jargon she was familiar with and moved quickly. I even agreed to e-mail her some information, although my origional plan was to negotiate the system sans technology. I was hoping to have the whole thing worked out before the Thanksgiving holiday, but I ran into more obstacles than I had thought. She wanted some sort of proof of my VISTA contract and pay information. I have an e-mail with enough verification, but I have some of my early science in it and some personal information that I don't want her to have, so I had to re-email my state VISTA leader, which I quickly did when I heard our business appointment had been postponed 15 minutes. But my VISTA leader was gone and I got an auto-reply about her being back in the office on Monday. While the reply did have a cell-phone number for her, I don't know if it is my self-worth question, or formal politeness that has me also not going to do the follow-up until Monday. I don't want to wait. I don't. It only is more of my savings that gets eaten as I wait, but I also am from my own culture. I have money in the bank. I'm not going to starve, and my own bad habits tell me that I can wait until the last minute. When it is priority, I will deal with it. But priority then, and even now, is to get my job done. The job means this writing, but also attend the other meetings I had planned for the night, or back into research mode? What identity should take priority, and by whose rules does that choice get to be made?

I guess I've come to call what I am doing, "Experimental Anthropology." Experimental Archaeology is when scientist reconstruct or try to reconstruct historical or prehistoric technologies to see what energy it took to create, or reconstruct how objects would come to be how they were found. I am trying to create a cultural experience that was found (culture of poverty) to test data on poverty in the U.S. and reconstruct pathways that have been successful to also test the data and find ways to improve it.

Anyone want to comment?

I will write more about the organizational culture of my new position another day. I have some other great stuff I have learned about the culture of poverty from research done in my office, but also internal communication styles, habits, and behaviors of the office my desk sits in.

Undercover Scientist

Lets start at the beginning, that’s a very good place to start. When you read you begin with ABC, when you are changing your life, you begin with food. I just finished the application for food assistance here in Dubuque. It was through the state Department of Human Services.

Just trying to find the place to go was a struggle.

To find out where to go, I first googled “how to get food stamps in Dubuque, Iowa.” This search was full of roadblocks and dead ends. The “Keystone Area Education Agency” website had resources with names and phone numbers, but with no address for the Human Services (rather than the android services most states provide) here in Dubuque. It just had a P.O. box #. The first two links offered were both linked to guides.gottrouble.com. The “Got Trouble” website had useful information, about food stamps and food assistance, information on how widely it is needed, but when you click on the link “Qualifying for Food Assistance” it takes you back to the same page you are on but with no information to direct service.

There is a link to the Iowa State website and you can apply on line (if you have access to the internet) but when you fill out the application, it says it will take a whole day to process. I chose to walk-in thinking it would be faster.

A co-worker overheard me talking about my need to get on food assistance and gave me a “Dubuque County Family Resource Guild” and I looked up “Food Programs.” This place had an address and phone number, so I called them to find out where they were located.

The woman on the phone sounded startled. I asked her about how I can apply for stamps and she suggested online. It is an assumption that any person who calls would have access to the internet. Even the state made this assumption by posting their application online. I asked how I could do it in person. She said I could fill out the application in their office. I asked here where they were located, and she told me the Nessel Building. I don’t know where that was, so I asked what the major cross street was. She said it was 8^th st. They are on the 4^th floor, but no suite number was given. I asked her what else I should bring when I come and she said any check stubs I have, so I had to explain that I wouldn’t be paid until December 10^th. She also suggested any bank statements I may have. While I understand their need for this information, I am embarrassed by my lack of money in my accounts, and sometimes they are deficit money. It hurt just to have her ask and know I would have to share that information with someone. I printed out my bank statement from last month, but it doesn’t accurately reflect my position now because it doesn’t take into account my moving expenses (all in the last 2 weeks) or my trip to Chicago of which I haven’t been reimbursed for, yet. The office was luckily on the same block as the building I am working in, so I shuffled over to it in the cold.

When I got to the building, it was intimidating. The building was almost desolate. It was missing any human art. Just walls and doors with numbers on them. The sign in the lobby said the suite I was looking for was 410, but didn’t give any indication of what the office did. If I was looking for help I would have to know what I was doing. There was no direction to any stairs leading up, just a stairwell leading down. I went towards the elevator as my quickest route and the one clearest to me. For this there was a sign.

When you arrive on the 4^th floor, you are immediately greeted with a wall and a door. That’s it. When you enter through the door, on your left is a door with a paper sign that says “Employees Only” to a what would seem like, an employee lounge with a refrigerator. In another door to your left is a door with another printed sign on florescent paper that reads “Private Office.” So far, I feel excluded.

The room to the right of which the other doors attach is large with 3 rows of 5 chairs facing north. The chairs are those 1960s plastic chairs, like something you’d see in a school. There is a long table against the left side of the room with an array of used children’s books. I noticed a very used Pokemon comic. There was also a video cassette. There may have been a tv and vcr in the room but I didn’t notice it right away. To the northern-most right-hand side is a plexi-glass window with one window in it. A paper sign says “report to receptionist” or some sort of other direction like that. The room was empty, and although it had activities for children and waiting adults in it, it felt empty. The blankness of the walls, and the absence of any life in the room made the place feel dead.

I went up to the window and told the very tanned receptionist I was wondering about food assistance and asked her where I should apply. She pointed to her left (my right) and said to fill out the application, the pink and the orange. There were plastic attachments to the wall with a paper sign on them saying “Applications” though not telling exactly what. I took one out of the bin and asked if this was the right one. The application was the size of a notepad and it was bound the same way, by a wax seal across the top like a notepad. It was also stapled on the top left hand corner. She said I could fill it out here or take it home. It felt like she said “you can take it and go.” Meanwhile the phone was ringing off the hook but she was polite enough to address me and let the phone ring. I said I’d prefer to fill it out here and took it to a small table with magazines on it.

The information they wanted was basic but I had more questions than I later asked. Of course it wanted my name, Social Security Number, and a phone number for me. It also asked by my “house.” For me, this was interesting, I don’t know if my roommates are counted as people in “my house.” We live together, but we pay rent individually. No one in my house is financially connected to me. I don’t feed them, they don’t feed me. I wasn’t sure if I should write them down, but decided not to because it would make things more complicated, not less. I was thinking about how to quickly get this process over with so I could have enough food for this weekend.

The other thing I noticed on the application was that they made it very clear if I filled out anything wrong intentionally, it was perjury, and I could be sent to jail. You have to be very careful but there was no one there to ask questions about the nuances with. It was very intimidating. The second thing it made reference to often was that you had to be a U.S. citizen, and that anyone you were applying for or on behalf of, also had to be U.S. citizens. I wondered where their skepticism of me came from. And why the suspicion of me? Is there data that shows this is a problem with assistance fraud? I was on the suspicion end of things, not the questioning end, and it didn’t apply to me, but who does it apply to? Do 2 questions on a form stop fraud effectively?

I filled out the application, but may have written the incorrect date. I thought it was the 22^nd. It is the 23^rd. I corrected it because, while the date doesn’t mean much to me, to them it is the day forward for which the food will be allocated from. To an organization, the contract date is between me and the system.

The pink and the orange parts. When she said the pink and orange application, I thought the pages would have been pink and orange, but it was the headings that were color coded. One color was just a generic application of the department. It was getting your name in the system. The other coded section was just applying for food assistance, and the information they wanted to look that over.

The woman who took my application looked it over quickly. She noticed one section wasn’t finished, so I filled that part out quickly and handed it back.

I wanted to ask, if there would be an application fee, because I’m an ass; really it is because I wanted to confirm there would be no more further cost. When I don’t have money, I want to make sure I won’t be charged. Before heading over to the office, I realized I didn’t have a copy of my Social Security Card. I had lost it this summer in MN. To get a copy of my SS card, It is going to cost like $3 and they will want to see my birth certificate (not a copy). I don’t have a birth certificate; my dad has it in a fire-proof box back in Idaho. I was going to get one for myself, but just to get one from the county I was born in will cost upwards of $15. Paperwork cost money. I will have to invest in this at some time, but that is for when I start getting paid, unless an emergency comes first. If they need a copy of my social security card to move along with the process, I’ll expedite my attempt.

I asked what if she needed anything else from me. She asked what I had? I offered her my bank statement with the caveat that it isn’t correct/current. I then asked what I should do. She said that it would take a day to process, and a person would call me to do an interview since I had a phone number and address on the form. I asked her when this would be. She looked over at the calendar and said, “well with the holiday, it will be next week.”

Next to the calendar where it said “Holiday” written on this Thursday and Friday, was a flier for a food pantry. I asked if there was anyway to get help before next week, and she said “no.” I felt like I was being lied to. It hurt. I quickly left and went back through the empty hallways back to the street.

While my experience doesn’t end on the street back to the warm office I am in now, I wanted to get down initial impressions. From the Nesel Building (as I now know it to be) I went over to the Northern Iowa Community College extension building. I just wanted to check it out but was in no mood to try and communicate with people there or try to get back into work mode. But some of the contrasts between the two offices couldn’t help but be clearer from the time.

The NICC building was across the street. When I walked in, there was a small reception area with padded seating and lots of information on the walls. The receptionist/gate keepers still sat behind a plexi-glass window, but she was chatting with other people and the laughter, and good spirit was quickly identified. I didn’t make eye contact because I was afraid I would have to explain myself, so instead just explored the hallways and information available to any stranger who would walk in. It was a nice building, clean and with lots of pictures on the walls. Some of the photographs were of students with slogans about working hard, and education takes persistence. They looked like they had been hand-made by someone and were well done. I never found a flier or information on what they do in that place. I know there was part of the building, not for the public, because of the door and receptionist/gatekeeper. I wondered what was behind that door but was not in the mood to go exploring, because someone just lied to me and was willing to make me go hungry over the Thanksgiving Holiday, a person who just explained to them that they were new in town.

I could have been hungry for weeks, living in my car, and she just judged me as unworthy of help. That’s what hurts. I took action to do something, and there was no re-action on the other end. I am not use to that. Now I have to sit and stew for a week before anything else happens. They say people living in poverty need persistence and patience. This is why.

My Oath of Service

I've gotten lots of questions from people about what I am doing in Iowa. I ask myself this as well. After moving in to my new house, I spent the last few days at a pre-service orientation (PSO) with the Americorps (Volunteers in Service to America) VISTA program. It was in Lombard, IL. I enjoyed the training, but would have enjoyed it more if I weren't fighting a cold the whole time. The PSO was an introduction to the VISTA program.

The VISTA mission is to "build capacity in non-profit organizations and communities to help bring individuals and communities out of poverty." It was started in 1964 modeled on the Peace Corps success overseas. We are the domestic equivalent to the Peace Corps.

At the training we spent a lot of time understanding poverty. This means identifying the assumptions about people in poverty, getting facts, and overcoming stereotypes. Poverty is something people live in, not an inherent nature of any person. It is because someone lacks resources; it can be a lack of financial resources, emotional resources, mental resources, social capital, or role models. We can relieve poverty by supplying the resources and making sure they are being delivered to those who need them.

One of the most interesting things I learned was how the U.S. measures poverty. They use a system called the Orshansky's Poverty Threshold. This number is caculated by multiplying the cheapest USDA food plan for a year for a family of 4 by the 1950s estimate that 1/3rd of income should be spent on food. If a person makes less than what is needed to supply food for 1 year, they are considered in poverty.

But using a 1950s model is quite antiquated. For one, it doesn't consider local costs of food. It doesn't take into account adequate housing costs, which have come to consume more and more of family budgets. It doesn't take into account health care, another cost that is consuming family budgets increasingly. It doesn't take into account child-care, another huge cost to most working families.

There is some positive change in calculating what poverty looks like in some local settings, but this US standard of calculation has not been challenged yet. Some local mayors have begun some research into the issue, like Mayor Bloomberg in NYC. He even secured private money to research the issue. It is almost frustrating that we don't have a real measure for what my work is trying to relieve. This will stick with me.

The other part that really struck me was the Oath of Service that I swore to.
The Oath is as follows :

"I do solemnly swear that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; That I take this obligation freely, without mental reservation or purpose of evasion; And that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which I am about to enter."

While the swearing in ceremony was very unceremonious, I personally deeply reflect upon this charge. Poverty is a weapon of mass destruction. I didn't take a job, I have a sworn commitment to fight in a war against poverty issued by the Commander-In-Chief of this country 45 years ago. It is the longest American war on native soil. I do feel like a solider. I do feel compelled to do a good job for those who have no voice but my own.

My biggest critique of the PSO was that they didn't adopt enough military style language and circumstance. I wish they had trained us more like soldiers. The training was taught in a social-science exploratory learning way that I think in necessary, but some of the events outside of the classroom felt like they should be a more ritualistic. Rituals are a way to create community and put people into a similar mode. They also can achieve an air of reverence that I think others would have benefited from.

I say this because there were 2 types of people I met at the training. There were those people there who saw this VISTA program as a job attached to a paycheck, and there were those who saw the VISTA program as calling. These are not mutually exclusive categories, but a spectrum. I could tell the trainers were on the extreme side of it being a mission/calling. They were all a pleasure to work with and really had a commitment to ending poverty in their lifetime. Their respect and reverence of us as soldiers going to war was evident. I think my physical illness at the time of training kept me in reality and I never achieved that spiritual high I often get when thinking about the big goals that my little job are helping to achieve. I totally get an endorphin rush, similar to that of being in love with a person, when I find myself swept away by the romanticism of service. Isn't service just like love? To be completely consumed by another.

Love can be defined a virtue representing all of human kindness, compassion, and affection. In religious context, love is not just a virtue, but the basis for all being. Service is my religion, and service is my passion. I think this is why I loved my last job. I felt in service to the state of Minnesota. I was even a little heartbroken when it ended. I was not only fighting poverty by using electoral politics, but I was also organizing people to build capacity for the future. Organizing seniors to help the senior caucus of the Democrat-Farmer-Labor Party means they are better represented. Inviting new people to volunteer, even in some limited capacity provided by the campaign, builds the local parties and identifies new leaders. While it isn't the only thing I ever want to do if I am going to help win the war on poverty, it was one method. I was lucky to have the opportunity.

In the future, I still have some other capacities I think I would like to try. I haven't lost sight of my goal of getting my masters in social work and public policy. All this organizing is useless unless we have good policies to enact with our elected officials. I see my goal right now as to learn from the roots the policy problems while continuing to identify new leaders within the communities who need the help. People who actually represent those who need help, not just good citizens who want to help. We always need to be developing new leaders.

When it comes to the day-to-day, I look out my window at the Mississippi river, the city of Dubuque, and all 3 states I can see from my window, and I say, wtf am I doing in Dubuque, Iowa. I never thought my life would lead me here. But keeping my life goal in mind, I have the honor of serving the people who need me. They need me here in Iowa. I am going to make the most of this year of service to my country and serve where I have been given the opportunity. We will see what comes from here.

I'm already a little intimidated. I went to the office last Monday to check it out and the people there wore suits. It was in a fancy building, in a professional part of town. I was very nervous and sick. I have an office. I have a computer. I'm nervous because I guess I imagined the job more fieldwork, less office work. I have to work to get out of my desk in meaningful ways. A committed place to work, and the technology to succeed is necessary, but I have a personal fear of becoming a bureaucrat and not an anthropologist. My fears may be unfounded, but I'll find out more tomorrow.

The other part I am most concerned with is I haven't fully imagined my life here yet. Usually, I find some sort of template or expectation of myself to create a life I want to live. I haven't felt physically well enough, or informed enough yet, to imagine myself and set the small goals to accomplish this. I don't want to wait too long, or I will find myself being acted upon, rather than acting on my own life. After work tomorrow, and some coffee, I will commit time to deciding who I want to be and move forward.

New Job, New State

Well, I've started settling in here in Iowa. I had a great friend help me move in and it didn't take long, or was too hard. I spent 2 days in Calmar, Iowa with my friend Kayla (the friend who helped me move) to learn some stuff about Iowa. My anthropology nose was sniffing some stuff out, so I wanted to remark on it before I talk about my new home.

So, beer koozies are a big deal here. It is pronounced Koo-zy, not cozy, like I have always called them. They are those beer holders that keep your can or bottle cooland are soft. People here get them for all sorts of events, especially weddings. They will have their name and the date of the event screen printed on to the devices. It helps to know whose beer is whose, like those wine glass charms keep people from drinking your wine. They may keep your drink cool, but they aren't used because you are sipping on one beer all night; people here drink a lot. There is an alcohol culture that is at work.

A second thing I learned about NE Iowa is about a thing called "touring". Touring is basically drunk driving down unpaved roads. It is considered fun because people here also are allowed to "have one for the road" or literally served a beer on their way out the door. The only reason this is allowed to happen is because there are so few police and sheriffs around. You are unlikely to get pulled over on the unpaved roads, and people will just take them and get lost. Usually a car full of people, not just individuals. We didn't go touring, but it is so common it has that term associated with it.

Thats mostly what I learned in NE Iowa. So, now onto my place in Dubuque.
I think I really scored with this room I am renting. It is right on the bluff. From the front room, you can see both Wisconsin, Illinois, and downtown Dubuque. We sit right on the bluff. We are at the very edge of the bluff and while our street address is 3rd st., because of the hill, you can't get to the house from 3rd st. You have to go down an ally behind the houses.

The house was built in 1906 and has been cared for. It isn't as nice as many of the restored victorian homes on the bluff, but it has been cared for and is quite nice. My roommates are Kandy-the house marm. She is the one the lease is with, but she rents out the rooms. She runs the house and I like that she is direct. I need her to keep harping on me to keep the lights off, but I like her and she is clean and wants to keep things nice. Her boyfriend is, well, i forgot his name already, but I think it is Matt. Then, just today, I met Jeremy, the other guy who lives in Wisconsin, but rents a room during the week so he can work at a factory in Dubuque. I met him only briefly, but we talked about deer hunting. In Iowa, the season starts this week.

The house may be haunted. When I have more evidence of this, I will make this argument, but for now, it *may* be haunted.

The landlord lives next door. Paul and his wife used to live in this house, but they restored a house next door. Paul was a 4th grade teacher and his wife was a nurse. They are both retired now. I really hope they are democrats but I'm not sure. Mostly because they had a picture of Sara Palin on their fridge, and I'm not sure if it was humorous, or they actually like her. We already talked about having a street Christmas party in December because the couple also owns the house on the other side of them, and a new tenant just moved in. The woman is a teacher herself now, and was in one of "Mr. K."'s grade school classes.

I live in the "quite" room. It is the quietest of the rooms and I have plenty of closet space! I have been sleeping on a inflatable mattress, but I will get a better one next week when Kandy gets a new bed and I get her old one.

So, that is my new house. I will post pictures from the deck of the view later.

I went to the UU Fellowship on Sunday. I met some nice people there and can't wait to get more involved. I might even sing in the choir, not because I am good, but because I am so bad I hope to improve. They knew the woman I will be working for. They spoke highly of her. I hear she is the mayor's wife and a very kind woman. I look forward to meeting her so she can suggest more books for me to read.

So, I also started my new job today. I am at the orientation now. I came through the Land of Lincoln. I'm not officially in Chicago, but I plan on going to get some pizza on Thursday night, before going back to Iowa. I'll probably do some site seeing too.

Before I left Dubuque, this morning, I stopped by my new office. It was fancy. The office is in a restored old building in downtown Dubuque. The office is new and classy. It takes a fancy electronic key to get through the doors, when it isn't open. I get an office (no window of course) and I got a name tag. People were really nice in and around the building. I talked to the maintenance workers who were still doing some work no the place. They were also setting up for Christmas, and the place will be spectacular this weekend in time for the Festival of Trees. People there were wearing suits. It kind creeped me out. Not because it was bad, but because it was so fancy. When I think VISTA, I think of dirty work like building stuff and walking the streets. Maybe it was just Monday, but ooh-la-la, people were classy. The first quote I need to put up in my office is one to remind me that the real work I want to do, can't be done in an office. There will certainly be important office work, phone calls, e-mails, and meetings, but I look forward to having an out-of-office experience.

I love anthropology and plan on using it in the job. Anthropology is a field science.

So, this is it so far. I have to say, it is sure nice to be surrounded by people who love volunteering, service, and who are so committed to solving poverty. Not as many extroverts as I would have expected, but a lot of the capacity building of VISTA jobs are thinking and writing, so that may be some of the reason for it. Also, the line was so long at registration that it sucked a lot of the energy of folks.

On that, I will mention something I felt good about. So, the lines really did take like an hour to get through. I had made it through the first line, and heard rumors there were cookies at the end of the line. I had some very nice people from Michigan, who held my spot while I went to explore. I was just going to get cookies and water for the people I was talking to, but when I got to the cookies, and thought of all the other hungry folks in line, I just grabbed the whole tray of them and took them down the lines of the people I know had been waiting so long. I had to make 2 trips because it was so popular, especially by folks who had been traveling and were hungry. I'm glad I did that because I think it made people a little more calm about the line, and there were some legitimately hungry people. We were all waiting in a line, not even sure if it was the right line, and of what would happen when we got to the front of it. I hoped it help people feel like they were in a good place and someone was concerned about them. But enough of me patting my own back.

G'nite.

Dubuque Day 1

I'm sorry I haven't written anything for a long time, but as you may have heard, the governor's race here in Mn is going to recount. I've made my bosses know, I am not available after next week, but I won't have many more days off either, so I am writing up and starting on this part of my life from here.

I'm going to Dubuqe. Next week. I've never been there before. I don't have a place to live. I just got off the phone with the place suggested to me, and they wanted $440 a month for a 1 bedroom. That's nearly a third of my income! Plus, $30 just to apply, and do a credit check?

To qualify who lives there, you have to make at least 17k and no more than 26K a year. Who makes 17K a year? That is how much I've made in the past 3 years combined. How is someone ever supposed to take advantage of job opportunities in a new place and make that much money.

I don't like that the woman on the phone was so rude. She really bothered me. I asked about housing for low-income people and she said "it isn't low-income, it is 'moderate' income" as if it didn't apply to me and I was the one being insensitive.

You know what, lady, I'm poor. I know I'm poor. I have $700 in my checking account, no savings account and bills. I have student debt, a car payment, and car insurance to pay for but with nothing in my refrigerator.

If I work full time at $9 an hour, my take home pay if I don't have health insurance at all, would be about $1200. Lets say I do get health insurance. That's about $100 a month. Then I have a car to pay for, that's $160, and insurance is $90. I have a cell phone, that is $60 a month, gas to drive and some savings for car repairs costing about $200 a month, and a student loan payment of $60.

That is $530, add it to $440 and I have spent $970 a month. I only have $230 for food. Sure, a woman can get by on $230 for food, but that with $0 in savings.

Now, if I were to get sick, and since I am on an hourly wage, say I miss just 1 day of work. that is $65 after taxes. Now I'm down to $165 dollars for food. But I still have no savings. So lets say my car breaks down and needs $300 in repairs and I have to miss a few hours of work to get it fixed? I'm down both $25 AND $300. Even if I didn't eat for a month, I wouldn't be able to make up for a car repair, and even 1 sick day. Sick days aren't paid when you are on hourly so you are doubly charged for them. Even with health insurance, you may get too sick to work.

I have a job, haven't even started yet, and I'm already in the hole. And millionaire don't think they should have to pay one dollar more in taxes. Why do they hate me, again?